14th of January already, time moves so fast sometimes. I have been away from home 6 months now. This past week I have been really busy . I want to leave enough time each day to set aside my ambitions for the store. I need to keep an organized ledger of the books I want to order when the time comes. I want to be ready. I was having a hard time starting this entry out, so I just put the CD "Watermark" by Enya. Cool.................... Sail away.

God, how did I end up in the desert of Nevada, from the islands of the Mariana Islands? Oh well. I am here. I am home sick today is what the problem is. I miss my canyon in Utah. I miss my house, my land, the air and solitude. I miss my stuff. Especially my office desk. It is real big. I miss the hawks that circle my house everyday as they scan the canyon for food. I miss my wolves Kapoo and Ucon that the sheriff killed 4 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them.

My mother being sick is not helping my mood today. I know she has the wisdom to fight this thing. Her doctor just dropped her over night saying she was abusing her prescriptions by taking too much. Wham, overnight. Now left without a doctor. Now we have the duty of finding a new doctor, one brave and sensitive, that will risk writing heavy duty scripts of  codeine 4.

They will write her ones for morphine and some other heavy-duty pills but since the D.E.A. has come down on codeine 4 many people who are addicted to them due to pain are now suffering. Crazy, since it happens to be codeine now, they won't write scripts for it, yet they will morphine because it's not. If your addicted to something, nothing else works. Some, especially the elderly cannot take it, due to their addiction they suffer to the point of suicide it is in the paper all the time.

What to do?

I hate sickness and disease, it is my enemy, and I know I am to learn from watching my mother right now. As if someone separate from myself. a watchful student learning to never let my life degenerate into such defeat. God that sounds awful, but it is so damn true. I've got to get out of this mood. Take a book and go to the park with Mr. Mouse and out of here for a while.

Poor Mr. Mouse (the hairy guy in the photo above) he has no yard to go in, compared to our 50+ acres he was born on. I cannot even think about that. He has gained so much weight here. I took him to the vet last week and he weighted 108 lbs!!! Right now I cannot write what I was intending too. I was side tracked by the moans and the morphine cry outside my room. I need to meditate and center myself. Some help would be nice, so...Almighty Father, bless this day, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.